I wish I could teleport
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
A bitchslap is in order.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
