he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
