dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
