Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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