Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
