i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
