I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
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