you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
