The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
