no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
kristin has been a bad kristin
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
