fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
