i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
