I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
