and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
