if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
