After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
