you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
