She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
