i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I supernannyed him into submission
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
