She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
