Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
