I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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