I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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