when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
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