Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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