She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
