he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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