I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
