What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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