I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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