your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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