The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
