rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
