This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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