Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
