I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just googled if crying burns calories
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
The air taste purple.
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