somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
