He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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