And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
