Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
