we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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