That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
