i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
