Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
smell my finger.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
