she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
