Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
