i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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