You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
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