literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Randomize
