Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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